QUICKER SLICKER
We called him "The Weatherman," but his name was Jake
Most of the time he could predict anything 'ceptin' a quake
Like the time he told us all to leave our spurs on our bunks
According to him, we'd be better off with canoes and swimming trunks
Rain was the biggest problem out on the range
If a cowboy got soaked, he had no dry clothes to change
Most of us carried a slicker tied on behind the saddle
And most of the time we could see the clouds in time to skidaddle
But every once in a while someone would come back
Soaked to the skin and shiverin' 'cause they forgot their mac
Or sometimes just because they diddle-daddled way too long
And the rain was on 'em while they were still tellin' Jake he was wrong
Now Jake never did succumb to the pitfalls of bad weather
He always maintained his dryness, like his skin was duck feathers
No matter the conditions of the elements, Jake was dry
None of the rest of us could match that no matter how hard we'd try
Then one day I made sure to stay close enough to Jake to view
While all the rest were fumblin' with their tie strings or grabbin a wad to chew
Jake had his slicker on and was ridin' hard for cover
Soaked as I was, I followed close, reckoning to discover
Never did find out the secret, at least not for some while
But I kept up my habit of stayin' close to Jake, mile after mile
Then one day, it just dawned, like I'd been lookin' at the wrong end of the cow
I knew it wasn't the way he got his slicker off, but puttin' in on was how.
As we were loadin' out one day, I watched close, the way Jake did his rig
He had some fancy way of keepin' his slicker tied on, like keepin' on a wig
It weren't no kinda glue or tie straps but some sorta ribbon with roughness
Some was riveted down behind his cantle that looked something like pumice
He had another piece of something sewn onto his raingear
That's when I figured him out and everything became clear
He never had to fumble with cold hands untying wet leather straps
He never had to get soaked to the skin before he could get back
Well, my curiosity got the best of me, so I asked for a show
That's when he told me it was something they called Velcro
Ya get it at the hardware store in town, and it only costs a little
It's better'n duct tape 'cause you can use it over and over, and it don't get brittle
Well, I kept my mouth shut and never said a word to a soul
Until Jake moved on to another outfit and his secret I stole
That's when I became the bunkhouse number one tricker
I won a ton of cash and loot bettin' I'd be the one with the quicker slicker
We called him "The Weatherman," but his name was Jake
Most of the time he could predict anything 'ceptin' a quake
Like the time he told us all to leave our spurs on our bunks
According to him, we'd be better off with canoes and swimming trunks
Rain was the biggest problem out on the range
If a cowboy got soaked, he had no dry clothes to change
Most of us carried a slicker tied on behind the saddle
And most of the time we could see the clouds in time to skidaddle
But every once in a while someone would come back
Soaked to the skin and shiverin' 'cause they forgot their mac
Or sometimes just because they diddle-daddled way too long
And the rain was on 'em while they were still tellin' Jake he was wrong
Now Jake never did succumb to the pitfalls of bad weather
He always maintained his dryness, like his skin was duck feathers
No matter the conditions of the elements, Jake was dry
None of the rest of us could match that no matter how hard we'd try
Then one day I made sure to stay close enough to Jake to view
While all the rest were fumblin' with their tie strings or grabbin a wad to chew
Jake had his slicker on and was ridin' hard for cover
Soaked as I was, I followed close, reckoning to discover
Never did find out the secret, at least not for some while
But I kept up my habit of stayin' close to Jake, mile after mile
Then one day, it just dawned, like I'd been lookin' at the wrong end of the cow
I knew it wasn't the way he got his slicker off, but puttin' in on was how.
As we were loadin' out one day, I watched close, the way Jake did his rig
He had some fancy way of keepin' his slicker tied on, like keepin' on a wig
It weren't no kinda glue or tie straps but some sorta ribbon with roughness
Some was riveted down behind his cantle that looked something like pumice
He had another piece of something sewn onto his raingear
That's when I figured him out and everything became clear
He never had to fumble with cold hands untying wet leather straps
He never had to get soaked to the skin before he could get back
Well, my curiosity got the best of me, so I asked for a show
That's when he told me it was something they called Velcro
Ya get it at the hardware store in town, and it only costs a little
It's better'n duct tape 'cause you can use it over and over, and it don't get brittle
Well, I kept my mouth shut and never said a word to a soul
Until Jake moved on to another outfit and his secret I stole
That's when I became the bunkhouse number one tricker
I won a ton of cash and loot bettin' I'd be the one with the quicker slicker
© 2026 Brian McNeal
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
LEATHER MAGIC
A clean saddle will give a better ride
You and your horse will enjoy it more
With a little care and conditioning applied
All the way out and back to the barn door
Want a faster, easier transaction?
With a better price when sold?
A word of advice for your satisfaction;
"Like New" always looks better than "Old"
Leather magic for saddles and tack
Comes with plenty of personal elbow grease
Make your old saddles come back
Just one hundred twenty five apiece
Photos before and after
Tell the tale better than speech
On the fence or hangin' from the rafter
Prices are within your reach
Conditioning and minor repairs
Renew or replace as required
Detailing with utmost care
A hell of a hobby for a guy retired
A clean saddle is good horse sense
Meet in safety at public location
Will deliver at no extra expense
Contact me for a conversation
More than twenty years of know-how
Saddles, tack and collars for the breast
Treat 'em like they were still on the cow
Contact via Craigslist Relaymail is best
A clean saddle will give a better ride
You and your horse will enjoy it more
With a little care and conditioning applied
All the way out and back to the barn door
Want a faster, easier transaction?
With a better price when sold?
A word of advice for your satisfaction;
"Like New" always looks better than "Old"
Leather magic for saddles and tack
Comes with plenty of personal elbow grease
Make your old saddles come back
Just one hundred twenty five apiece
Photos before and after
Tell the tale better than speech
On the fence or hangin' from the rafter
Prices are within your reach
Conditioning and minor repairs
Renew or replace as required
Detailing with utmost care
A hell of a hobby for a guy retired
A clean saddle is good horse sense
Meet in safety at public location
Will deliver at no extra expense
Contact me for a conversation
More than twenty years of know-how
Saddles, tack and collars for the breast
Treat 'em like they were still on the cow
Contact via Craigslist Relaymail is best
© 2026 Brian McNeal
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
TWO SISTERS NEED A BULL
Two sisters inherit the family cattle ranch
Soon they realize success hasn't got a chance
To make it work, they need to buy their own bull
But the piggy bank is a lot less than full
With only six hundred dollars to their name
They find a bull they think can play the game
But he's on a ranch far away in another county
So one sister sets out to acquire the bounty
As she heads out the door on her way
She makes a plan with her sister who must stay
She'll send a message if she makes the acquisition
Then sister can come and handle the transportation
When she gets to the ranch and inspects the bull for sale
She decides he'll do the job without fail
The rancher says he'll sell for five ninety-nine and nothing less
The sale is made, and she's off to send a message about her success
She tells the telegraph operator she needs to send a wire
To her sister and tell her to hitch up the trailer and air up the tires
She needs her to know she bought the bull, and he needs a ride
So the ranch can be saved next year when they can sell some cowhide
The operator tells her it'll cost her ninety-nine cents a word
But with only a dollar left, she can't afford the message she preferred
So she thinks it over and works it all out in her mind
Then tells the telegraph man to send just one word and leave it unsigned
She tells him to send the word: "Comfortable" and nothing more
But how will your sister know everything you just said before?
"How will she know to bring an empty trailer and go home full?"
"Easy, my sister is blonde, she'll read it slow," "COME-FOR-DA-BULL"
Two sisters inherit the family cattle ranch
Soon they realize success hasn't got a chance
To make it work, they need to buy their own bull
But the piggy bank is a lot less than full
With only six hundred dollars to their name
They find a bull they think can play the game
But he's on a ranch far away in another county
So one sister sets out to acquire the bounty
As she heads out the door on her way
She makes a plan with her sister who must stay
She'll send a message if she makes the acquisition
Then sister can come and handle the transportation
When she gets to the ranch and inspects the bull for sale
She decides he'll do the job without fail
The rancher says he'll sell for five ninety-nine and nothing less
The sale is made, and she's off to send a message about her success
She tells the telegraph operator she needs to send a wire
To her sister and tell her to hitch up the trailer and air up the tires
She needs her to know she bought the bull, and he needs a ride
So the ranch can be saved next year when they can sell some cowhide
The operator tells her it'll cost her ninety-nine cents a word
But with only a dollar left, she can't afford the message she preferred
So she thinks it over and works it all out in her mind
Then tells the telegraph man to send just one word and leave it unsigned
She tells him to send the word: "Comfortable" and nothing more
But how will your sister know everything you just said before?
"How will she know to bring an empty trailer and go home full?"
"Easy, my sister is blonde, she'll read it slow," "COME-FOR-DA-BULL"
© 2026 Brian McNeal
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
