BUTCH AND THE POET
A thoughtful phonetic fanatic lived upstairs
A phonetic fanatic in the attic—who cares
Sympathetic and yet copacetic to be alone
Not apathetic but possibly diabetic, diagnosis unknown
Prophetic and frenetic, he wore a prosthetic
Audiology in his biography, he was also poetic
Obviously magnetic but simply not apologetic
Eschewed views—somewhat anti-Semitic
It was a situation unseen in this nation
He was given a citation and put on probation
He resigned to grow carnations and raise dalmations
He lived through the duration with frustration
His phonetic fascination was his own ruination
He developed a fixation for a certain libation
Then he took a vacation to see a relation
To avoid litigation and mandatory donation
He played a concertina in the rodeo arena
With a Latina girl named Corina from the cantina
They collected Kachinas next to the marina
Then he got the subpoena and skipped to Argentina
A phonetic fanatic on the lamb
A telegram put him in a jam
It wasn't verbena, but marijuana and more than a gramme
With Corina in Argentina, now living in an ashram
Living his life actively passively
And sporadically lavishly
Emphatically avoiding reality
He accidentally met Butch Cassidy
Now he and Butch are on a stage
An accordion and a six-gun with rage
Vandals with handles in sandals behind the Spanish Broom
Noms de plume who entertain the room
© 2026 Brian McNeal
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HANK AND THE ATHEIST LADY
Hank was takin' a long overdue trip back East by stage
Sittin' right next to him was a fancy lady of middle age
"It's going to be a long trip. Would you like to talk?" she says to Hank
"It would make the trip seem shorter and nicer, don'tcha thank?"
"Well, I suppose that would be just fine, Ma'am", Hank said
"Do you have anything specific in mind, Ma'am?" as he scratched his head.
"Being athiest, she proclaimed, "How 'bout why there is no God or Heaven or Hades?"
"And I know for a fact there is no life after death. Not for men and not for ladies"
"Well, I reckon that sure would fill up the time," said Hank
"And I imagine, by all accounts, we could have us a real fine think-tank"
"But first, let me ask you a question, Ma'am, if you please"
To which the fancy lady, sitting next to him, nodded with a tease.
Hank was takin' a long overdue trip back East by stage
Sittin' right next to him was a fancy lady of middle age
"It's going to be a long trip. Would you like to talk?" she says to Hank
"It would make the trip seem shorter and nicer, don'tcha thank?"
"Well, I suppose that would be just fine, Ma'am", Hank said
"Do you have anything specific in mind, Ma'am?" as he scratched his head.
"Being athiest, she proclaimed, "How 'bout why there is no God or Heaven or Hades?"
"And I know for a fact there is no life after death. Not for men and not for ladies"
"Well, I reckon that sure would fill up the time," said Hank
"And I imagine, by all accounts, we could have us a real fine think-tank"
"But first, let me ask you a question, Ma'am, if you please"
To which the fancy lady, sitting next to him, nodded with a tease.
"The deer, the cow and the horse all eat the same stuff"
"And if you'll pardon me Ma'am, this may sound a little rough,""But the deer excrete little pellets, the cow makes a flat pie,"
"While the horse dumps clumps." "Can you tell me why?"
The stage rolled on down the line and the lady mulled it over in her brain
Then finally confessed she didn't know but also didn't see that it was germane
"Well," said Hank, "you seem to be a fine lady of intelligence, yet here you sit,"
"Wanting to discuss something as complex as the hereafter when you don't know shit"
© 2026 Brian McNeal
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RANGE MANGE
There once was a guy on the range
Who, most thought very strange
He bathed every night
Washed clothes back to white
But neglected to treat his mange
His face and head were quite hairy
He lived and worked on the prairie
Dust and dirt all day
The tools of his play
No wonder he was contrary
His head was filled with lice
So take this kindly advice
Sleep far away, alone
In a new time zone
You might sleep near once but never twice
Most of the cowboys have great pride
But he can't take care of his cowboy hide
He was given the chance
But wouldn't learn the dance
So his cowboy hide we fried
One night at the local saloon
He blew up the sheriff's balloon
A night in jail
With no possible bail
Now he's singing a different tune
While he was locked up tight
His pards raided his campsite
With protective suits donned
They worked dusk till dawn
Exterminating all the mites
Now for a joke upon their friend
Who learned his lesson in the end
Words heard, were quite obscene
Campsite doused with kerosene
But his ways, he did amend
There once was a guy on the range
Who, most thought very strange
He bathed every night
Washed clothes back to white
But neglected to treat his mange
His face and head were quite hairy
He lived and worked on the prairie
Dust and dirt all day
The tools of his play
No wonder he was contrary
His head was filled with lice
So take this kindly advice
Sleep far away, alone
In a new time zone
You might sleep near once but never twice
Most of the cowboys have great pride
But he can't take care of his cowboy hide
He was given the chance
But wouldn't learn the dance
So his cowboy hide we fried
One night at the local saloon
He blew up the sheriff's balloon
A night in jail
With no possible bail
Now he's singing a different tune
While he was locked up tight
His pards raided his campsite
With protective suits donned
They worked dusk till dawn
Exterminating all the mites
Now for a joke upon their friend
Who learned his lesson in the end
Words heard, were quite obscene
Campsite doused with kerosene
But his ways, he did amend
© 2026 Brian McNeal
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