OUTHOUSE HUMOR
The place you don't want a committee
Is when you're seated inside the privy
Sharing is caring, but not there
Not when half of me is bare
So please have heart and forgive me
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There are Inn houses and gin houses
Dog houses, cat houses and bird houses
Houses made of bamboo shoots
And houses of ill repute
But don't mistake Inn houses with outhouses
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Here I sit all alone
In a little room with a wooden throne
Reading by the light of the moon
Cut in the door to light the room
Thunder by nature's sousaphone
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Alone in the privy, late at night
With a kerosene lamp for light
Dried petals from a rose
A closepin for your nose
If the smell don't get ya, the bugs might
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In the custom art of tipping, I say
Not ten or fifteen percent - no, neigh
Never be hesitant
Or even negligent
When tipping an outhouse, go all the way
Is when you're seated inside the privy
Sharing is caring, but not there
Not when half of me is bare
So please have heart and forgive me
____________________________________
There are Inn houses and gin houses
Dog houses, cat houses and bird houses
Houses made of bamboo shoots
And houses of ill repute
But don't mistake Inn houses with outhouses
_______________________________________
Here I sit all alone
In a little room with a wooden throne
Reading by the light of the moon
Cut in the door to light the room
Thunder by nature's sousaphone
_______________________________________
Alone in the privy, late at night
With a kerosene lamp for light
Dried petals from a rose
A closepin for your nose
If the smell don't get ya, the bugs might
_______________________________________
In the custom art of tipping, I say
Not ten or fifteen percent - no, neigh
Never be hesitant
Or even negligent
When tipping an outhouse, go all the way
_______________________________________
A feller dropped a fiver in the Jakes
Then he didn't even hesitate
Dropped an Andrew Jackson Down
A fiver ain't worthwhile to get a feller from town
But for twenty five, I figure, he'll negotiate
_______________________________________
Then he didn't even hesitate
Dropped an Andrew Jackson Down
A fiver ain't worthwhile to get a feller from town
But for twenty five, I figure, he'll negotiate
_______________________________________
The ad said: Cheap Room for Rent
An old outhouse, weathered and bent
An old outhouse, weathered and bent
The landlord couldn't believe his eyes
Much to his surprise
The occupant had sublet the basement
_______________________________________
A room for one or two sitters
Must be Bullseye hitters
Aim good, fire when ready
Hold 'er still and steady
And hope there's no critters in the shitter
Must be Bullseye hitters
Aim good, fire when ready
Hold 'er still and steady
And hope there's no critters in the shitter
_______________________________________
Some go there for the use
Billy the Kid used it as a ruse
Nuns, Priests and Missionaries
Everyone has the necessaries
That's how Bell let the Kid vamoose
_______________________________________
Sears and Roebuck on the nail
Warsh water in the pail
All alone - you think
Then you smell the stink
And see the skunk tail
© 2026 Brian McNeal
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BEWARE THE WARNING CRY
Out the window it goes
Now everyone knows
What you ate
Last night at eight
Is now down below
A chamber pot nightmare
A custom without care
A flush was a card hand
Until the WC was planned
Erasing one need to swear
If you only knew
What the chambermaid do
From way up high
Came the cry
Gardyloo
© 2026 Brian McNeal
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