COWBOY HOMOGRAPHY FOR CITY SLICKERS
You'd not forgive a mistake like saying CHev-ro-lay
And you'd not be too cool saying "CHic" for "SHeek"
No one drinks CHampaign any time of the day
It's not the way we've been taught to speak
You can forgive the cuss wearin' his hat backwards
Or the one who wears athletic shoes in the corral
When the dress and the manner seem awkward
Chances are, someone's in the wrong locale
Now, when a city dude pretends to be a cowboy
And the laughter makes your sides collapse
Try to hold your composure as he starts to annoy
When he says he's wearin' his brand new CHaps
A CHap wearin' CHaps is a phony
Like a cowboy ridin' a Saint Bernard
Like tryin' to say it's steak when you know it's baloney
When you know it's wrong, it's hard to disregard
The word they always mess up and give themselves away
Is pronounced with an "SH" sound as in "Shoot" or "Shoo"
Dudes who say "CHaps" instead of "SHaps" just don't know their way
So tell 'em to get a good pair of CHinks to get 'em through
But once he's learned the ins and outs of cowboy vernacular
And he's struttin' round like a peacock with a pedigreed bloodline
Tryin' to show himself off as some kind of cowboy spectacular
Watch out for the next cowboy-wannabe, telltale sign
That's when he thinks he's gonna really impress
But you know, somethin' 'bout him really stinks
It's not what he's wearin' for official cowboy dress
It's that now that he's been educated, he's wearin' SHinks
You'd not forgive a mistake like saying CHev-ro-lay
And you'd not be too cool saying "CHic" for "SHeek"
No one drinks CHampaign any time of the day
It's not the way we've been taught to speak
You can forgive the cuss wearin' his hat backwards
Or the one who wears athletic shoes in the corral
When the dress and the manner seem awkward
Chances are, someone's in the wrong locale
Now, when a city dude pretends to be a cowboy
And the laughter makes your sides collapse
Try to hold your composure as he starts to annoy
When he says he's wearin' his brand new CHaps
A CHap wearin' CHaps is a phony
Like a cowboy ridin' a Saint Bernard
Like tryin' to say it's steak when you know it's baloney
When you know it's wrong, it's hard to disregard
The word they always mess up and give themselves away
Is pronounced with an "SH" sound as in "Shoot" or "Shoo"
Dudes who say "CHaps" instead of "SHaps" just don't know their way
So tell 'em to get a good pair of CHinks to get 'em through
But once he's learned the ins and outs of cowboy vernacular
And he's struttin' round like a peacock with a pedigreed bloodline
Tryin' to show himself off as some kind of cowboy spectacular
Watch out for the next cowboy-wannabe, telltale sign
That's when he thinks he's gonna really impress
But you know, somethin' 'bout him really stinks
It's not what he's wearin' for official cowboy dress
It's that now that he's been educated, he's wearin' SHinks
© 2026 Brian McNeal
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
FURRIES
Resoursefulness is a quality cowboys need to have plenty of
When there ain't no sheep or llamas around, look at the glove
Rabbit fur for lining. Sure 'nuff could work for chaps
Now if I could just get my hands on some traps
Well, before long, I had rabbit fur of every color and size
But the danged things were so small, they wouldn't fit my thighs
So resourcefulness comes back into play
I found a gal in town who said she could save the day
First she trimmed 'em up and squared 'em true
I had to stop her 'cause she wanted to dye some of 'em blue
There were whites and blacks and golden brown
But blue would just make me look like a rodeo clown
Then she stitched 'em all together and cut out the shape
We added a leather yoke, some leg straps and the great escape
We couldn't really call 'em woolies so "furries" would be the show
It was a sight to behold, I tell you, quilted cowboy chaps of calico
Resoursefulness is a quality cowboys need to have plenty of
When there ain't no sheep or llamas around, look at the glove
Rabbit fur for lining. Sure 'nuff could work for chaps
Now if I could just get my hands on some traps
Well, before long, I had rabbit fur of every color and size
But the danged things were so small, they wouldn't fit my thighs
So resourcefulness comes back into play
I found a gal in town who said she could save the day
First she trimmed 'em up and squared 'em true
I had to stop her 'cause she wanted to dye some of 'em blue
There were whites and blacks and golden brown
But blue would just make me look like a rodeo clown
Then she stitched 'em all together and cut out the shape
We added a leather yoke, some leg straps and the great escape
We couldn't really call 'em woolies so "furries" would be the show
It was a sight to behold, I tell you, quilted cowboy chaps of calico
© 2026 Brian McNeal
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
